(Verse 1)

I bought a vintage record, seventy-four, a classic find

The kind of "devil’s music" that’ll warp a fragile mind

The cover had a wizard, a goat, and lots of chrome

I played it in my bedroom, completely all alone

My preacher, Father Thomas, with a sweat-bead on his nose

Said, "Son, that needle’s scratching where the Holy Spirit goes!

There’s something in the stylus, a sonic kind of trick

To make you serve the master of the burning pointy stick!"

(Pre-Chorus)

I sat there in the static, with a terrifying thought

Was I listening to the music, or was it I who had been caught?

I took that shiny platter, and I spun it in reverse

To see if I could hear the spell, the blessing, or the curse...

(Chorus)

Oh, you gotta spin it backwards, if you want to find the truth!

Gotta wreck the turntable, gotta ruin your flaming youth!

It’s the hidden message madness, the audio illusion

Designed by long-haired rockers to sow total confusion!

When the singer screams for "Pizza!" and it’s sounding mighty odd

Maybe, just maybe, he’s not talking 'bout the food, but the 'God'!

Yes, they’re hiding all the vices in the tracks of your L.P.

And the Devil’s in the grocery list, as far as I can see!

(Verse 2)

I played a classic anthem, "Stairway to the Great Beyond"

Supposedly a hymn to which all hippie kids respond

I dragged the needle counter-clockwise, holding back my breath

Waiting for the call to doom, the summons unto death

And what did I discover, in the crackle and the hiss?

A voice that sounded strangled, and it sounded just like this:

(Vocal switches to a high-pitched, garbled squeak)

"Sssss-atan loves his pudding... oh, yes, pudding is the key..."

(Back to normal voice)

I thought: that’s not very menacing, it seems quite sweet to me!

But Father said: "That’s exactly how the Serpent always works!

He tempts you with the snack foods, before the dagger lurks!"

(Chorus)

Oh, you gotta spin it backwards, if you want to find the truth!

Gotta wreck the turntable, gotta ruin your flaming youth!

It’s the subliminal seduction, the acoustic trap they set

For the innocence of teenagers that they haven't conquered yet!

When they sing about a "Banana," and they’re eating it so slow

If you play it in reverse, they mean... well, something else, you know!

Yes, they’re hiding all the longing in the pop songs that you hear

And the Devil’s in the metaphor, whispering in your ear!

(Bridge: The music slows down to a dark, atmospheric crawl with a heavy bass line)

(Whispered voices: "Paul is dead... wash your hair... buy a toaster...")

I went through heavy metal, the stuff with skulls and bone

Where they sing about the graveyard when they are all alone

Played it forward: "Kill the wizard! Burn the castle down!"

Played it backward: "Make sure that you wear a warm winter gown..."

I guess the Prince of Darkness worries 'bout the common cold?

"No!" cried Father Thomas, "That means your heart is cold!

They want you unprotected, vulnerable to the breeze

So the demons of the influenza can bring you to your knees!"

(Guitar Solo: Starts normally, then flips into a "reverse" effect with lots of whammy bar dives and psychedelic feedback)

(Verse 3)

Then I found a disco record, with a beat so loud and proud

The singer crooned about "The Fever" to a sweaty, dancing crowd

I spun that funky circle back, and heard a rhythmic chant

"Stir... the... chocolate... fountain... with... your... big... long... spoon... you... can't..."

Well, I blushed a shade of crimson, I slammed the player shut

Father said: "You see! He’s aiming for your... gut!

The 'chocolate fountain' is a place of dark desire!

And 'stirring' is the motion that fuels the hellish fire!

They’re preaching loose behavior, disguised as kitchen tasks!"

(This is exactly why we wear our anti-disco masks!)

(Outro)

The grooves are getting wider now, the needle’s getting blunt

I’ve analyzed the lyrics from the back unto the front

My collection is in tatters, m'turntable is destroyed

But Father says the silence is the thing to be enjoyed

Forward is the future, backward is the past

But when you play it either way, the fun ain't gonna last!

(Final Spoken Word, deep and echoing)

"Remember to floss... and... support your local library..."

(Gong sound. The music cuts to static, then three seconds of garbled, reverse audio.)