The Hoover & The Rice Crispies Blues
(Tune: Upbeat, folksy, like a lighthearted pub song)
Verse 1
There’s a wee woman, four foot nothing tall
But when her temper rose, you’d best stand tall
Three lively laddies, full of tricks and fun
And a hoover that just wouldn’t get the job done
It whirred and it rattled, it choked and it died
So I grabbed that old thing and I opened wide…
“Off ye go!” I roared, and with all of my might
Fired it straight up the stairs out of my sight!
Chorus
Oh hindsight’s a gift that comes a day too late ️
When you lose the plot and you seal your own fate
Fling the hoover first, then the mess appears
And you’re left sweeping crumbs through the tears and the cheers!
Laddies? Who’d have ’em? Aye, it’s plain to see
They made the strong wee woman out of me!
Verse 2
Next morning dawned, thought the worst was all past
Till I heard the giggles and the rustling fast
Opened their bedroom, and what did I see?
A trail of crispies as far as could be!
Not just one corner, no, that’s far too neat
From the door to the bed, right under each sheet
A river of rice, all crunchy and light…
And my hoover was stuck halfway up the flight!
Chorus
Oh hindsight’s a gift that comes a day too late ️
When you lose the plot and you seal your own fate
Fling the hoover first, then the mess appears
And you’re left sweeping crumbs through the tears and the cheers!
Laddies? Who’d have ’em? Aye, it’s plain to see
They made the strong wee woman out of me!
Bridge
My boys said later, “Mum, it wasn’t dad we feared
It was you when that temper suddenly appeared!”
Big burly dad could roar and he could shout
But one look from me and they’d sort themselves out
No fancy machine, just a brush and a rag
And a mother’s patience hanging by a tag!
Outro
So here’s my advice, take it from me
If your hoover misbehaves, just let it be!
Don’t launch it upstairs, whatever you do
Or you’ll be sweeping crispies till the sky turns blue!
Laddies? Who’d have ’em? Aye, it’s true, it’s true…
I’d do it all again, wouldn’t you? ️